BFN #4

My period came a day early this time.  So, not pregnant.

My girlfriend held me while I cried.  God, I cried so hard.  Thick, hot tears.

I knew this wouldn't be easy.  Nothing is easy for me.

But still.

Later we went out to the farm for a Virgo Birthday Luau.  Snuggled with the littles who came with their parents, talked with other friends who are also wishing for babies, drank all the wine I wanted, and slept snuggled up with a sweet lady under the stars.

Schrodinger's Zygote

Ahhh... back in the throes of the Two-Week Wait.

While sleeping at night, I keep dreaming of babies.  One where I had a boy and he had siblings.  One where I had a girl and was nursing and trying to figure out the daycare situation.

I keep feeling like we're nearing the end, like we've almost got it.  Upon spying the little container on my countertop that Thuper Thpermth uses for deposits, my first thought was, "Oh!  I've got to return that soon since we're done with it," and then, "Oh! Wait...."   That was weird, and kinda cool.  Like, are we really done?  Does my Spidey-Sense tingle with knowledge that the rest of me does not know yet?  Did we make a baby?

But this morning, my poor little hemorrhoid-y butt (overshare?) just really wanted a soak in the tub.  And I, not thinking especially clearly, drew myself a lovely hot bath.  I soaked for about 15 minutes before I remembered my Obstetrician's advice to only take body-temperature baths. I leapt out and sat naked near an open window to lower my body temp a bit.

I'm REALLY SORRY, Schrodinger's Zygote*.  I hope that the fact that I bypassed the free wine at last night's Planned Parenthood Gala makes up for my temporary oversight.

Still have a few more days till we know anything.... temps are high, I'm tired all the time, and I find myself snacking all day to keep my belly settled.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

* I thought I was clever with this Schrodinger's Zygote thing... since you have to live simultaneously as if both scenarios are true.  But upon Google inspection, it turns out other people have thought of it, too.  Something to do with Doctor Who?  Everyone keeps recommending this show to me, and it's in my Netflix queue....