Cry Cry Cry

Okay, based on the number of concerned phone calls, texts, and emails I've received, you guys are worried about me.  I get it.  I haven't posted in a few weeks, and you wonder if I'm still crying.

Well, I am.  Although it's not from not being pregnant, it's other stuff relating to other people in my life.  Let's just say that Cancer and Heart Disease can suck a bag of dicks.  I've cried so damn much today.  And then I chopped onions for soup and that didn't help.

October marks the last month of my contract with Thuper Thperms.  In November, Thuper Thperms is asking for a break, and December and January I'm busy/traveling, so if October doesn't take, and we decide to renew, then nothing's gonna happen till February.

So October's strategy is SHOCK AND AWE; or, since we're talking about babies, SHOCK AND AWWWW!  We started two days before ovulation and the plan was to hit it every. damn. day. until that temperature spike.  But here we are, day three, and we're all so weary from worrying about and taking care of our loved ones (see above notes regarding Cancer and Heart Disease), that we couldn't muster it and punked out.  I hope we can pick it back up tomorrow, cos time's a-wastin'.

I'm trying to NOT think about what happens if this month doesn't take.  What I AM thinking about is the circular nature of life.  Out of something bad comes something good and vicey-versey.  With all the suck going on around me, could it be to usher in something wonderful?

Good-night, all.  If you want to come by for dinner tomorrow, I'll have an autumn-squash soup and gf/df biscuits.  And a syringe full of genetic material, although that doesn't go in your mouth. 

This Ain't Easy

One of the reasons why I've stepped up my fertility quest recently is because I recently found a donor.  Yes, it's someone I know and love.  I was a big chicken about asking -- seriously, that's fucking scary! -- but this person mentioned their interest in another conversation, and, well, it developed from there.

We've had some beautiful discussions and contract negotiations, that further my positive feelings that this is the right person.  We are not interested in co-parenting, but even still, we are on the same page on many issues.  I love having real, adult conversations about really emotionally-charged topics, and having them like very mature adults!  I'm so glad that we're all grown-ups and can handle these things with grace and composure.  THIS AIN'T EASY, but doing it with the right people makes a huge difference.

So the contract is largely written, but still needs some tweaks.  Some great resources that I've used in building my contract are Single Mothers by Choice. and www.MaiaMidwifery.com.  My very good friend Z has been acting as legal counsel during negotiations, and while she pushes buttons and brings up topics we don't want to think/talk about, she's making sure that all bases are covered.

I'm feeling quite proud of myself lately.  THIS AIN'T EASY, but I'm checking all the little boxes and getting it done.  Tonight, I plan on curling up on the sofa with my herbal tea and perusing the book that arrived at my door today: Big, Beautiful & Pregnant.  Fatties need love too, and I've been hearing good things about this book.

Good night!  --BDM