Cry Cry Cry

Okay, based on the number of concerned phone calls, texts, and emails I've received, you guys are worried about me.  I get it.  I haven't posted in a few weeks, and you wonder if I'm still crying.

Well, I am.  Although it's not from not being pregnant, it's other stuff relating to other people in my life.  Let's just say that Cancer and Heart Disease can suck a bag of dicks.  I've cried so damn much today.  And then I chopped onions for soup and that didn't help.

October marks the last month of my contract with Thuper Thperms.  In November, Thuper Thperms is asking for a break, and December and January I'm busy/traveling, so if October doesn't take, and we decide to renew, then nothing's gonna happen till February.

So October's strategy is SHOCK AND AWE; or, since we're talking about babies, SHOCK AND AWWWW!  We started two days before ovulation and the plan was to hit it every. damn. day. until that temperature spike.  But here we are, day three, and we're all so weary from worrying about and taking care of our loved ones (see above notes regarding Cancer and Heart Disease), that we couldn't muster it and punked out.  I hope we can pick it back up tomorrow, cos time's a-wastin'.

I'm trying to NOT think about what happens if this month doesn't take.  What I AM thinking about is the circular nature of life.  Out of something bad comes something good and vicey-versey.  With all the suck going on around me, could it be to usher in something wonderful?

Good-night, all.  If you want to come by for dinner tomorrow, I'll have an autumn-squash soup and gf/df biscuits.  And a syringe full of genetic material, although that doesn't go in your mouth. 

Two thoughts.

So in addition to squeezing in a couple of inseminations this week, I've also been able to squeeze in a couple of dates.

WHAT?! HOW CAN YOU DATE AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!

I don't know.  I just can.  Plus, she's cute and fun.

WELL, DID YOU TELL HER WHAT YOU ARE UP TO?!

Yep.  Right at the start.  It's kind of a big deal.

BUT ISN'T SHE FREAKING OUT?!

Probably, but so far so good, I think.

BUT HOW ON EARTH WILL SHE HANDLE....?!

She will, or she won't.  And we'll all just communicate and process until we stop.  And whatever will be will be.  And we'll figure out what to do with that.

WELL, I JUST DON'T THINK THAT....

I know, honey.  I know.  This is all very complicated.  I probably won't handle it the way you want.  I might not even handle it the way I want.  I'm just going to roll with it and see what happens.

In the meantime, I have two alternating thoughts:

1) Sticky-baby-starfish thoughts, and

2) I-hope-there's-more-kissing thoughts.

Sweet Dreams!

Syringe-Wielding Goddess, or, It Takes a Village

Now that I am partner-less and doing this baby thing on my own (which I have absolutely no problem with, let me state for the record), I still do need somebody to help me out on insemination days... to be the go-between from Thuper Thpermth and Big Dyke Mama, to help get my butt properly propped up on pillows, and to wield that syringe and inject that genetic material in a way that I just can't with my little T-Rex arms.

Obviously, I need somebody who isn't going to fuck it up and someone who isn't going to be weirded out by having their hands all up in my junk.

I had a short list of friends to ask -- really, really short -- and thank goodness my top pick (the lovely D) said, "yes."  She's a doula and a mom, and we may or may not have tiny crushes on each other.  Yay!

So now that that part is squared away, I think we're all on board to start up this baby makin' again next week.  It takes a village...

Now, wave your legs in the air!

Wave 'em like you just don't care!

Hi there, Big Dyke Mama coming to you live from her bedroom, where she is presently waving her legs in the air post-insemination.  TMI, you say?  Tough titties.  This is my fertility blog, and I can blog with my legs in the air if I want to.

So it turns out that I still have a 14-day luteal phase, even with the longer cycle.  Duly noted.  Because nothing happened last weekend, I suspected that we might see signs this weekend if we were going to see them at all.

So true!  Eggwhite, craving crunchy salad, horny, positive OPK.  Done.  Invited Thuper Thpermth over for dins and, well, etcetera.

So that leaves us here, legs up, and bored.  But we're getting to about that time that I can get up and move around.  You know, have some ice cream, take Thuper Thpermth home, watch movies on the sofa and whatnot.  Really wish I could hop in the bath, but that's a bad idea tonight.  Fingers crossed, friends!  Think baby-shaped thoughts!

 

First Inseminations

My close friend LC has been "in the know" about my fertility quest pretty much since the beginning.  I try to keep her in the loop about all the ups and downs, and I know she watches this blog.  (Hey, LC!) It hasn't been updated in awhile because my computer died and I haven't replaced it, and my internet access is limited.  Text has been the main way I've been communicating with people.

So, Tuesday, LC texts me (only slightly editted for content):

LC: Are you updating your blog this month?
BDM: Will update blog eventually! 'Puter still dead.
LC: Ah! That totally makes sense!
BDM: PS. Tonight might be the night! Trying to choreograph the evening.
LC: OMFG!!!!
BDM: Right??! Holy F***ing Sh**!
LC: I think this exchange should go in the baby book.
BDM: Agreed.  Hilarious!
LC:  :)

Later that evening... afterwards....

BDM: Aaaaaand done. Aaaaaand ew.
LC: Syringe too cold?
BDM: Nope. Just full of slimy genetic material. Ew!
LC: It is slimy, isn't it. Bleah
LC: Are you hanging out with your legs in the air?
BDM: Actually, yes!
LC: Ha! I knew it! Don't forget to orgasm, it helps your cervix to scoop it up. (if me telling you to just go have an orgasm isn't irony...)
BDM: Already did. Yay!
BDM: Also going in the baby book.  :)
LC: This should all go in the book.  Hi future baby, I hope by the time you read this you love me enough to forgive us!

If it never makes it to the baby book, it at least made it to the blog!