We're Not Boring

Eighth kid?  Rad.  He was high-needs, so the weekend was exhausting.  Still fun.  He's really funny, with a prankster sense of humor.  Sometimes it went too far, so we had to steer him back.  Best ways to keep him occupied?  A Rubik's Cube and a Guitar.

Ninth kid?  Rad.  His bringing-up had been less-than-ideal, so he learned how to advocate for himself.  Learned to ask for what he needed, and persist.  I really admire this, because it took me a long time to learn to do it.  He's sweet and smart, but doesn't like to read.  He likes R-rated movies (which aren't allowed at our house) so on the first day, he determined that he was going to be bored all weekend.  I told him that was his choice.  But last night, wouldn't you know, he told me that he hadn't been bored nearly as much as he thought he would be.  (!!!)  And even fully participated in picking the movie we watched in the evening.

Next week we are holding a garage sale to thin our possessions a little bit.  Like, we don't need seventy dessert plates anymore.  Or four tents.  Or shirts in the wrong size.

There's also a heap of tomatoes that are starting to ripen in the garden. Next week may involve putting up some sauce.

Well, my mind is focused on breakfast now, and I can't think of anything else to talk about.  Maybe I am boring?

Saturday Morning

Coming to you from another early Saturday morning at Big Dyke Mama's house.  Everyone's still asleep, so I've been accomplishing a number of tasks off the Lesbian Agenda: 

• Water the front yard
• Water the back yard
• "Feed" the sourdough starter
• Run the dishwasher
• Put sheets in the dryer
• Think about what's for breakfast

Good times.

So, last week we had the Fifth Kid, who was rad.  Really sweet and funny, but SO SHY.  He hardly talked, he didn't eat much.  It's really fine, because I'm not here to force anybody to do anything, and I know he had a lot of things going on in his life; a lot to think about.  Fifth kid kind of doing his own thing was fine by me.

Sixth Kid (same as the First, and the Third) is with us again this weekend.  We celebrated a stellar report card (A's and a B) by going out to dinner, and did a big shop for fun things to do this weekend, including the Pride Parade. (She wants to go, and who am I to deny this impressionable person such an experience?)  We'll be marching with my team from work.

You know what else falls on this weekend?  I mean, besides your birthday.  This weekend is my 20th High School Reunion.  And although I promised to myself years ago that there could scarcely be an excuse for me to miss such an event (I was one of those wackos that LOVED high school), this year was just too hard.  Three weeks till we get married, Pride Weekend, and the flights were crazy expensive!  Plus, my folks are in the middle of packing/moving/selling their house, and that's just another wrench in their monkeys to have me as a houseguest.  Blarg.  I'm going to miss seeing my High School friends.  Go Big Blue!

Speaking of High School, DM got a job this week.  Full time, High School Math Teacher.  She had doubts about her ability to get hired right out of the gate (she's finishing a Masters), but she full-on got her dream job.  So so so so happy for her.  And I get to help her set up her classroom which is totally something I love to do!  I used to help my Mom set up her classroom every August!  YAY!

Okay, back to the Lesbian Agenda!

Moving Update!

My feet hurt for the blisters on both heels.
I have multiple bruises on every extremity.
My sore back sends shooting pain down both legs.
My neck and shoulders are full of knots.
Exhaustion has rendered circles under both eyes that give the impression I've been in a fight.

And I still have work to do at the old place.

Not much, though.  I should finish up on Wednesday night.  And that can't come soon enough.

But the new house is fun!  We're still living out of boxes, but I'm determined that I will cook a pasta dinner in our kitchen tomorrow.

I love our patio, and we've already hung out there a bit during the recent rainstorm.

We had our new washer/dryer delivered and installed yesterday, and there is a load just finishing up in the dryer now.  Laundry is one of those things that makes me ridiculously happy.

DM's Spring Break is coming up next week and we'll start building our planter beds.  This is also something that makes me ridiculously happy!  Remember last summer when I couldn't stop talking about my tomatoes?  This year will be even better.  We're starting to price out upright freezers so we can put up more veggies!

There may be a housewarming party in our future.... stay tuned!

In the meantime, I'm putting my tired, sore body to bed.  Night-night.

A Few Months Later...

Hello, lovelies.  I've missed you.

There were a couple of times I had something to post, but I never really felt like actually sitting down and doing it.  But today seems like a good day.

So, it's been a few months since we lost Little Homer.  My body is mostly back to normal, minus that my periods are far heavier than they've been in many years.  But I can handle that, and my acupuncturist helps.

My heart is healing, I'm far less grumpy generally speaking, but I get caught in moments sometimes when I can't stop the tears from coming.  And that's really okay.

I had a religious weekend a little over a month ago, and I was confronted with someone who I love very much.  As soon as I saw her, I hugged her, and I fell apart.  Big, loud sobs.  I couldn't help it.  I wanted the rest of the world to go away.  I just needed to cry in her arms, so I let myself cry in her arms.  She said, "This is why you have me in your life.  You can come and talk with me and cry with me whenever you want."  Then she reminded me, "You have to let the sadness out of your heart so that you can make room for more blessings."

RIGHT.

I am allowed to be sad, and I'm allowed to be sad for as long as I need.  But I also don't need to hang on to bad feelings out of guilt.  I am not disrespecting the memory of Little Homer -- or the lessons that his/her passing taught me -- by moving on and allowing more blessings into my life.  That's actually probably part of the lesson!

So, what am I doing?  Everyone wants to know if I'm going to try again, and honestly, I just don't know.  I've signed up with some Fost-Adopt websites and resources trying to get a handle on what I need to do to start that process.  Adoption is fairly common in my family, so I know I can tap that knowledge base and get their full support.  I also have friends and acquaintances who've done the same thing and I can tap them when I'm ready.

I've also been working on opening my heart and thinking about dating again.  I've just been too tenderhearted to try to throw any more emotions in the mix while I'm still licking my wounds.  But I'm starting to think a summer with a few dates will be fun.  

Also: Gardening.  My vegetables went in last weekend -- right before the rain started again -- and I'm really excited about that.  I go and look at them every day.  And smile.  Eggplant, two kinds of beans and three kinds of tomatoes.

 

More later.  My quest toward motherhood is not over.

Peace -- Big Dyke Mama