Work is getting busier for both DW and I, and we really want to put our attentions toward adoption again. Foster care, while amazing and fulfilling, was just spreading us too thin. I would gladly go back at a different time.
But, the good news is that we are putting our attentions toward adoption!
Two years ago -- almost exactly to the day -- we submitted our application to adopt with Boys & Girls Aid, and that led us down the foster care path. They asked us for six months, we gave them two years.
It took us a year to get certified, so I almost expect the adoption process to be similarly long, so stay tuned for updates.
What did we learn over the past one or two years, with fourteen different kids in our home?
Sometimes, we can't blame the parents. I went into foster care thinking that the kids are in care because the parents messed up somehow. That isn't always the case. A bunch of our kiddos (maybe close to 50% -- yes, I'm serious) were sexual offenders and were removed from the home because they, themselves, were the ones who messed up. (Of course there were plenty of instances where they had been abused and then became abusers, but this, also, is not always the case.) We did our best to talk about boundaries and consent, and also forgiveness.
A bunch of these kiddos aren't operating at their chronological age. We can make assumptions that with love and care and attention, we can catch them up. But sometimes, all the abuse and trauma and neglect just stunts them, or propels them strangely forward. I've played baby dolls with a sixteen-year-old. I've had to remind kids that they aren't the parent, and I will take care of their needs. I've supported a kiddo who, at fifteen, was about to become a dad. And I will tell you that about half the kiddos in our house have needed to sleep with a light on. It's a wacky little combination of young and old souls that you have to address in the moment on an individual basis.
Generally, these kids aren't hoodlums or troublemakers. I made assumptions about this underserved population and what that would mean when these kids come in to my house. I had numerous people warn me and worry for me that I would be in over my head with my property being destroyed, my things being stolen, and heroin being shot up in my living room. Out of the fourteen kiddos, one stole $5 from my wallet (and later tried to pay me back), one hid a couple of DW's valuable sports cards as a joke (these were later found), and one used my brand-new mouthwash without permission. So, yeah. Not troublemakers.
Most times, they are sweet, polite, and helpful. A few times when I brought these kids around to be with my friends, my friends were like, "Wait, THIS is your foster kid? Such good manners!" So, yes, being in care doesn't mean meltdowns and rude behavior 24/7. I've had kids help me in the kitchen or help with meal planning. We've had kids who love love love yardwork and will gladly mow the lawn, plant ferns, water the blueberries, and then come back and ask for more work to do. And then ask if they can ask their regular, full-time foster mom if they can come back and help some more next week. Sometimes I think, you know you're a teenager, right? You know you're supposed to scoff and roll your eyes and whine about having to turn off the TV? Right?
So, in conclusion, let me just say that if you happen to have one or two years that you can foster a handful of teenagers, I would highly recommend it. Valuable for you, valuable for them, valuable for your community.
