I recognize it's only like 3:00 in the afternoon, but today has been a giant struggle. For me, for my DW, and for my DD.
DW and I fought over text this morning, which is pretty unusual. We took some space from the conversation and came back appreciative. Good for us, but, shit. Mornings are hard.
DD took a mental health day. I'm sure someone will have something to say about that, cos that's what they do, cluck their tongues, but don't actually offer anything that helps. DD's therapist was sick this week, so she missed that opportunity, but took matters in her own hands to work on some shit today. Good for her, but, shit. Being a person is hard.
We had a "Diversity and Inclusion" meeting at work today, to talk about how my team and my company is doing in terms of, go figure, Diversity and Inclusion. These are topics near and dear to my heart, but, shit. Today was not the day I wanted to pose arguments to my coworkers about why women & minorities are still under-represented and need space at the table. Sure, maybe things are better than they were 30 years ago, white male coworker sir, but that doesn't mean they're good.
I'm home from work early to deal with more professionals in my home, which in foster care, we have a constant stream of. Par for the course, but, shit. I kind of want some some time where I don't have to be "on" today.
Since I'm home early, I'm also spending some time on the Facebook. Looking at memories. And the one that keeps popping up is a year ago, the day after Election Day, when we woke up and the news was true that we were going to have to spend a good long time fighting (again) for rights we thought we secured in the last decade, if not actual generations ago. Shit. Anniversaries are hard. I think my body remembers being this angry. I had a vague idea of how bad things would get, but I really had no idea how bad things would get. Fuck that guy.
Thursday, November 9, 2017
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
In Which a Sagittarius Struggles with Optimism
Hi, there.
Let's not talk about how long it's been.
Let's not talk about all the things you've missed because I haven't been here to talk about them. Maybe I'll back-track at some point. Maybe I won't. But my counselor sent me here, so here I am.
My counselor sent me here because I'm angry. I'm angry and I need to figure out how to fucking cope.
Anger is not my default state. I very rarely visit this state, even. So it's weird to be stuck here in limbo and not know what to do about it, or how long I have to be here. I just want to go home.
We have a darling daughter (DD). She's 14 -- almost 15 -- and bright, funny, complicated, talented, weird, beautiful, sarcastic, and kind. She's a good fit for our family. She's been home a little more than 5 months at this point, and we're all still figuring each other out.
And to be clear, I am not angry at her.
I really enjoy her and I enjoy being her parent.
In the process of her joining our family, we have worked with two different agencies, which I will not name here because we aren't done working with them, and I suppose they could still turn their boats around and finally do right by our daughter. But that all remains to be seen.
These two agencies, I believe, are trying to do right by her and do right by their governing bodies. But red tape gets bound up in red tape, and it's not the agencies that suffer the consequences. It's our daughter that suffers. Here is a kiddo who has been stuck in the foster system for XX number of years, who has had XX number of placements, and who has had XX number of disruptions, and hasn't she been put through the ringer enough? Can't we just let her settle into a family and be a normal kid for once in her life?
As I'm heading to bed tonight, the answer is still no. We (her parents) are working tirelessly to smooth this out for her. Her CASAs are working tirelessly to smooth this out for her. Pardon my French, but everyone else can suck a bag of dicks.
In trying to make a long story, uh, less long, let's say that there was a committee decision to NOT let us adopt her six months ago. But, sure, we could foster her, they said, but it would have to be permanent, but we couldn't tell her it would be permanent, cos then it would sound too much like adoption, which the committee decided was not allowed. Ugh.
So we agree to foster, but at a high level of care because we aren't sure what to expect, and our adoption supports (that we paid for) are now no longer available, because we can't adopt her. With a higher level of care (read: extra supervision & therapy), we can get extra supports. Also, we were promised, we could exit into a lower level of care on a timeline of our choosing.
Which, as soon as we are locked into a contract, we are told, no-no-no-no-no, she has to graduate out of this higher level of care. But they won't give us the criteria for graduation. Or a timeline. Or a rulebook. But you can bet that when we somehow break a mystery rule, they are all over it with stern words and consequences. Ugh.
<<Enter five months of more of the same nonesense. Miscommunication, lies, backstabbing, and general ball-dropping.>>
And after fighting with two agencies, two caseworkers, two case managers, two supervisors, two attornies, a facilitator, and a partridge in a pear tree, for, I don't know, maybe four months? we finally get folks on board with hey maybe she doesn't need a higher level of care because she's doing fucking great. And suddenly things start moving.
A caseworker said she was going to push for our daughter to be out of a higher level of care by the end of the year. We had hoped sooner, but we're playing the long game, so whatever.
Then the right person talked to the right State Senator who talked to the right person at the right agency and suddenly the adopted decision from May was reversed. Wait, what? Really? We didn't expect that, we had no idea how this would affect anything, so we hung on waiting for more information.
Then last week, the judge ruled that there has been enough fuckery and she needs to be in a lower level of care by Friday. We turned in all our paperwork within three days. If this is going to get held up, it will not be on us.
So this gets us to my counselling session today. I told my counselor that I didn't believe it. He said it's great news, though. And it is, but there has been so much asshattery around this whole situation from the two agencies we are working with that I just don't believe it. I'm angry at the situation, I'm frustrated with all the hoop-jumping, and I'm tense just waiting for the other shoe to fall.
I am usually a silver-lining sort of person. I get teased all the time for being my optimistic self. Some say I'm naive, and I guess that could be true, but I think I'm more realistic than that. I just know, from my forty years of lived experience, that things have a way of working themselves out.
But my heart has been broken so many times in the past six months by this process that I just don't trust it anymore. I'm having trouble keeping my head up. I'm having trouble staying positive even around things that have nothing to do with the foster system (like my job). I'm having trouble taking the smaller joys in life (like DD has an A in Math! and our dog looks really cute in his Christmas sweater! and I have a new car! and I get to go to brunch with my friends!) and letting those good feelings wash over me and buoy me through the tough times. It's not working. I'm not buoyed. I'm still sinking.
Man, if I were outside of myself, I would totally look at this list and be like, THAT'S TOTALLY ENOUGH GOOD STUFF TO BUILD ON! So I get it on an intellectual level. And if I weren't still sinking, I would totally see my point. So this is really hard and I've been hurt really deeply. I feel broken.
And it really doesn't help that later today, after counselling where my counselor told me to give it a chance that things might work out and go according to plan, we got an email that the adoption decision wasn't actually reversed, silly! Who told you that? And in trying to follow up with stepping down to a lower level of care, it appears as though the right people are not talking to the other right people because there are still some important people who do not know what's going on or that the judge really wanted it to happen by Friday. Ugh.
I didn't want to be right this time.
Sure, I have every right to my feelings of anger. Every right. I'm just really tired of being in this angry state. I'm really looking forward to moving back to my regular brain, which I'm hoping still exists somewhere.
Send good thoughts our way if you're so inclined. Complements and chocolate are also appreciated.
Peace -- Mama
Let's not talk about how long it's been.
Let's not talk about all the things you've missed because I haven't been here to talk about them. Maybe I'll back-track at some point. Maybe I won't. But my counselor sent me here, so here I am.
My counselor sent me here because I'm angry. I'm angry and I need to figure out how to fucking cope.
Anger is not my default state. I very rarely visit this state, even. So it's weird to be stuck here in limbo and not know what to do about it, or how long I have to be here. I just want to go home.
We have a darling daughter (DD). She's 14 -- almost 15 -- and bright, funny, complicated, talented, weird, beautiful, sarcastic, and kind. She's a good fit for our family. She's been home a little more than 5 months at this point, and we're all still figuring each other out.
And to be clear, I am not angry at her.
I really enjoy her and I enjoy being her parent.
In the process of her joining our family, we have worked with two different agencies, which I will not name here because we aren't done working with them, and I suppose they could still turn their boats around and finally do right by our daughter. But that all remains to be seen.
These two agencies, I believe, are trying to do right by her and do right by their governing bodies. But red tape gets bound up in red tape, and it's not the agencies that suffer the consequences. It's our daughter that suffers. Here is a kiddo who has been stuck in the foster system for XX number of years, who has had XX number of placements, and who has had XX number of disruptions, and hasn't she been put through the ringer enough? Can't we just let her settle into a family and be a normal kid for once in her life?
As I'm heading to bed tonight, the answer is still no. We (her parents) are working tirelessly to smooth this out for her. Her CASAs are working tirelessly to smooth this out for her. Pardon my French, but everyone else can suck a bag of dicks.
In trying to make a long story, uh, less long, let's say that there was a committee decision to NOT let us adopt her six months ago. But, sure, we could foster her, they said, but it would have to be permanent, but we couldn't tell her it would be permanent, cos then it would sound too much like adoption, which the committee decided was not allowed. Ugh.
So we agree to foster, but at a high level of care because we aren't sure what to expect, and our adoption supports (that we paid for) are now no longer available, because we can't adopt her. With a higher level of care (read: extra supervision & therapy), we can get extra supports. Also, we were promised, we could exit into a lower level of care on a timeline of our choosing.
Which, as soon as we are locked into a contract, we are told, no-no-no-no-no, she has to graduate out of this higher level of care. But they won't give us the criteria for graduation. Or a timeline. Or a rulebook. But you can bet that when we somehow break a mystery rule, they are all over it with stern words and consequences. Ugh.
<<Enter five months of more of the same nonesense. Miscommunication, lies, backstabbing, and general ball-dropping.>>
And after fighting with two agencies, two caseworkers, two case managers, two supervisors, two attornies, a facilitator, and a partridge in a pear tree, for, I don't know, maybe four months? we finally get folks on board with hey maybe she doesn't need a higher level of care because she's doing fucking great. And suddenly things start moving.
A caseworker said she was going to push for our daughter to be out of a higher level of care by the end of the year. We had hoped sooner, but we're playing the long game, so whatever.
Then the right person talked to the right State Senator who talked to the right person at the right agency and suddenly the adopted decision from May was reversed. Wait, what? Really? We didn't expect that, we had no idea how this would affect anything, so we hung on waiting for more information.
Then last week, the judge ruled that there has been enough fuckery and she needs to be in a lower level of care by Friday. We turned in all our paperwork within three days. If this is going to get held up, it will not be on us.
So this gets us to my counselling session today. I told my counselor that I didn't believe it. He said it's great news, though. And it is, but there has been so much asshattery around this whole situation from the two agencies we are working with that I just don't believe it. I'm angry at the situation, I'm frustrated with all the hoop-jumping, and I'm tense just waiting for the other shoe to fall.
I am usually a silver-lining sort of person. I get teased all the time for being my optimistic self. Some say I'm naive, and I guess that could be true, but I think I'm more realistic than that. I just know, from my forty years of lived experience, that things have a way of working themselves out.
But my heart has been broken so many times in the past six months by this process that I just don't trust it anymore. I'm having trouble keeping my head up. I'm having trouble staying positive even around things that have nothing to do with the foster system (like my job). I'm having trouble taking the smaller joys in life (like DD has an A in Math! and our dog looks really cute in his Christmas sweater! and I have a new car! and I get to go to brunch with my friends!) and letting those good feelings wash over me and buoy me through the tough times. It's not working. I'm not buoyed. I'm still sinking.
Man, if I were outside of myself, I would totally look at this list and be like, THAT'S TOTALLY ENOUGH GOOD STUFF TO BUILD ON! So I get it on an intellectual level. And if I weren't still sinking, I would totally see my point. So this is really hard and I've been hurt really deeply. I feel broken.
And it really doesn't help that later today, after counselling where my counselor told me to give it a chance that things might work out and go according to plan, we got an email that the adoption decision wasn't actually reversed, silly! Who told you that? And in trying to follow up with stepping down to a lower level of care, it appears as though the right people are not talking to the other right people because there are still some important people who do not know what's going on or that the judge really wanted it to happen by Friday. Ugh.
I didn't want to be right this time.
Sure, I have every right to my feelings of anger. Every right. I'm just really tired of being in this angry state. I'm really looking forward to moving back to my regular brain, which I'm hoping still exists somewhere.
Send good thoughts our way if you're so inclined. Complements and chocolate are also appreciated.
Peace -- Mama
Saturday, March 26, 2016
One or Two Years
This week -- after being foster parents for one year -- we let our Foster Care License lapse.
Work is getting busier for both DW and I, and we really want to put our attentions toward adoption again. Foster care, while amazing and fulfilling, was just spreading us too thin. I would gladly go back at a different time.
But, the good news is that we are putting our attentions toward adoption!
Two years ago -- almost exactly to the day -- we submitted our application to adopt with Boys & Girls Aid, and that led us down the foster care path. They asked us for six months, we gave them two years.
It took us a year to get certified, so I almost expect the adoption process to be similarly long, so stay tuned for updates.
What did we learn over the past one or two years, with fourteen different kids in our home?
Sometimes, we can't blame the parents. I went into foster care thinking that the kids are in care because the parents messed up somehow. That isn't always the case. A bunch of our kiddos (maybe close to 50% -- yes, I'm serious) were sexual offenders and were removed from the home because they, themselves, were the ones who messed up. (Of course there were plenty of instances where they had been abused and then became abusers, but this, also, is not always the case.) We did our best to talk about boundaries and consent, and also forgiveness.
A bunch of these kiddos aren't operating at their chronological age. We can make assumptions that with love and care and attention, we can catch them up. But sometimes, all the abuse and trauma and neglect just stunts them, or propels them strangely forward. I've played baby dolls with a sixteen-year-old. I've had to remind kids that they aren't the parent, and I will take care of their needs. I've supported a kiddo who, at fifteen, was about to become a dad. And I will tell you that about half the kiddos in our house have needed to sleep with a light on. It's a wacky little combination of young and old souls that you have to address in the moment on an individual basis.
Generally, these kids aren't hoodlums or troublemakers. I made assumptions about this underserved population and what that would mean when these kids come in to my house. I had numerous people warn me and worry for me that I would be in over my head with my property being destroyed, my things being stolen, and heroin being shot up in my living room. Out of the fourteen kiddos, one stole $5 from my wallet (and later tried to pay me back), one hid a couple of DW's valuable sports cards as a joke (these were later found), and one used my brand-new mouthwash without permission. So, yeah. Not troublemakers.
Most times, they are sweet, polite, and helpful. A few times when I brought these kids around to be with my friends, my friends were like, "Wait, THIS is your foster kid? Such good manners!" So, yes, being in care doesn't mean meltdowns and rude behavior 24/7. I've had kids help me in the kitchen or help with meal planning. We've had kids who love love love yardwork and will gladly mow the lawn, plant ferns, water the blueberries, and then come back and ask for more work to do. And then ask if they can ask their regular, full-time foster mom if they can come back and help some more next week. Sometimes I think, you know you're a teenager, right? You know you're supposed to scoff and roll your eyes and whine about having to turn off the TV? Right?
So, in conclusion, let me just say that if you happen to have one or two years that you can foster a handful of teenagers, I would highly recommend it. Valuable for you, valuable for them, valuable for your community.
Work is getting busier for both DW and I, and we really want to put our attentions toward adoption again. Foster care, while amazing and fulfilling, was just spreading us too thin. I would gladly go back at a different time.
But, the good news is that we are putting our attentions toward adoption!
Two years ago -- almost exactly to the day -- we submitted our application to adopt with Boys & Girls Aid, and that led us down the foster care path. They asked us for six months, we gave them two years.
It took us a year to get certified, so I almost expect the adoption process to be similarly long, so stay tuned for updates.
What did we learn over the past one or two years, with fourteen different kids in our home?
Sometimes, we can't blame the parents. I went into foster care thinking that the kids are in care because the parents messed up somehow. That isn't always the case. A bunch of our kiddos (maybe close to 50% -- yes, I'm serious) were sexual offenders and were removed from the home because they, themselves, were the ones who messed up. (Of course there were plenty of instances where they had been abused and then became abusers, but this, also, is not always the case.) We did our best to talk about boundaries and consent, and also forgiveness.
A bunch of these kiddos aren't operating at their chronological age. We can make assumptions that with love and care and attention, we can catch them up. But sometimes, all the abuse and trauma and neglect just stunts them, or propels them strangely forward. I've played baby dolls with a sixteen-year-old. I've had to remind kids that they aren't the parent, and I will take care of their needs. I've supported a kiddo who, at fifteen, was about to become a dad. And I will tell you that about half the kiddos in our house have needed to sleep with a light on. It's a wacky little combination of young and old souls that you have to address in the moment on an individual basis.
Generally, these kids aren't hoodlums or troublemakers. I made assumptions about this underserved population and what that would mean when these kids come in to my house. I had numerous people warn me and worry for me that I would be in over my head with my property being destroyed, my things being stolen, and heroin being shot up in my living room. Out of the fourteen kiddos, one stole $5 from my wallet (and later tried to pay me back), one hid a couple of DW's valuable sports cards as a joke (these were later found), and one used my brand-new mouthwash without permission. So, yeah. Not troublemakers.
Most times, they are sweet, polite, and helpful. A few times when I brought these kids around to be with my friends, my friends were like, "Wait, THIS is your foster kid? Such good manners!" So, yes, being in care doesn't mean meltdowns and rude behavior 24/7. I've had kids help me in the kitchen or help with meal planning. We've had kids who love love love yardwork and will gladly mow the lawn, plant ferns, water the blueberries, and then come back and ask for more work to do. And then ask if they can ask their regular, full-time foster mom if they can come back and help some more next week. Sometimes I think, you know you're a teenager, right? You know you're supposed to scoff and roll your eyes and whine about having to turn off the TV? Right?
So, in conclusion, let me just say that if you happen to have one or two years that you can foster a handful of teenagers, I would highly recommend it. Valuable for you, valuable for them, valuable for your community.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Lucky Sevens
This morning I realized that today is our 7-month wedding anniversary! Seven is DW's lucky number, so we got married on July 7 (7/7). Still love that spouse of mine! She bought me four bouquets of flowers this week, so I'm pretty sure she still loves me, too. :)
We've got another kiddo this week: another girl! DW said something at one of the foster meetings recently that we'd had a lot of boys, and while boys are great, she has a really good connection with the girls. "Oh!" one of the staff said. "Let's see if we can get you some girls!" And so here we are at kid 14, a girl, our second one in a row!
Fourteenth Kid? Rad. She's really easy-going and funny. We've been making jokes with each other, which makes me happier than I can express. I got to meet her mom for a few minutes and Mom commented how well we got along cos we're similarly silly. We had a lazy Saturday, mostly in our pajamas and binge-watching Netflix. We might go out for a while today... it's supposed to get up to 60° this afternoon!
Sixty degrees in February, with a fantastic silly kiddo? We really are lucky!
We've got another kiddo this week: another girl! DW said something at one of the foster meetings recently that we'd had a lot of boys, and while boys are great, she has a really good connection with the girls. "Oh!" one of the staff said. "Let's see if we can get you some girls!" And so here we are at kid 14, a girl, our second one in a row!
Fourteenth Kid? Rad. She's really easy-going and funny. We've been making jokes with each other, which makes me happier than I can express. I got to meet her mom for a few minutes and Mom commented how well we got along cos we're similarly silly. We had a lazy Saturday, mostly in our pajamas and binge-watching Netflix. We might go out for a while today... it's supposed to get up to 60° this afternoon!
Sixty degrees in February, with a fantastic silly kiddo? We really are lucky!
Monday, February 1, 2016
Lucky 12 and Lucky 13
We're back in the swing with Respite Care again. I like it for the short stints, but I don't like it cos the stints are short. Can't win. Just keep swimming.
Twelfth Kid? Same as TenthKid. Rad. Still smooth, which is cute of course. How can you get mad at the cute?
Thirteenth Kid? Rad. Our first girl since.... June, maybe? And she was twelve. Just a baby. It's interesting how different 12 is from 14 (the typical age of our kiddos). We played baby dolls and watched cartoons and ate chicken strips. She told me she didn't like PG-13 movies cos she "didn't get them." Awww, more cute!
I don't know if we're going to have kids in the next two weeks, but in mid-February we're set to have a 17-year-old for a whole two weeks. She has different privileges, so it'll be interesting to be able to have a bit more freedom with her care. Can't wait!
Twelfth Kid? Same as TenthKid. Rad. Still smooth, which is cute of course. How can you get mad at the cute?
Thirteenth Kid? Rad. Our first girl since.... June, maybe? And she was twelve. Just a baby. It's interesting how different 12 is from 14 (the typical age of our kiddos). We played baby dolls and watched cartoons and ate chicken strips. She told me she didn't like PG-13 movies cos she "didn't get them." Awww, more cute!
I don't know if we're going to have kids in the next two weeks, but in mid-February we're set to have a 17-year-old for a whole two weeks. She has different privileges, so it'll be interesting to be able to have a bit more freedom with her care. Can't wait!
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Out of Town
I promised I would take DW out of town once Eleventh kid moved on, and here were are. Very few people know where we actually are.
We arrived last night, by train. The train was delayed by 4 hours because the weather is bad and trees kept falling on the tracks! But what did we care? We were on a train!
Getting stuck on a train is way better than getting stuck on a plane. You can walk around, there's a dining car with a bar, you can keep yourself fairly occupied and happy if you've a mind to. Someone behind us on the train was relaying the delays to someone else on her phone. "It's been HELL," she told her phone companion. DW and I giggled. So NOT hell.
Our hotel room is small and comfortable and the staff is easy-going, friendly, and helpful. DW is still asleep, of course, so I'm up doing my thing until we can head to breakfast. Maybe I'll get up and take a walk before she gets going. The town we are in is small with lots of little shops on our street.
Man, I love my wife. She's a fantastic travelling companion, as we discovered on our honeymoon adventure and it just gets confirmed on little trips like this. She's hilarious and sweet, she's weird, and she puts up with my shenanigans. I am so lucky.
We're probably going to need to take a tiny little trip like this sometime in the Spring. Where should we go?
We arrived last night, by train. The train was delayed by 4 hours because the weather is bad and trees kept falling on the tracks! But what did we care? We were on a train!
Getting stuck on a train is way better than getting stuck on a plane. You can walk around, there's a dining car with a bar, you can keep yourself fairly occupied and happy if you've a mind to. Someone behind us on the train was relaying the delays to someone else on her phone. "It's been HELL," she told her phone companion. DW and I giggled. So NOT hell.
Our hotel room is small and comfortable and the staff is easy-going, friendly, and helpful. DW is still asleep, of course, so I'm up doing my thing until we can head to breakfast. Maybe I'll get up and take a walk before she gets going. The town we are in is small with lots of little shops on our street.
Man, I love my wife. She's a fantastic travelling companion, as we discovered on our honeymoon adventure and it just gets confirmed on little trips like this. She's hilarious and sweet, she's weird, and she puts up with my shenanigans. I am so lucky.
We're probably going to need to take a tiny little trip like this sometime in the Spring. Where should we go?
Saturday, November 28, 2015
60 Days...
60 days are up and there still isn't a plan in place for where Eleventh Kid goes next. He's super nervous about it, and he gets agitated about it when he thinks about it. But I need to remind him, that it is partially due to the choices HE ALONE made. There was an opening in another program and he was offered a screening and he refused to go. Now he wants into that same program and is having trouble getting a screening. I feel bad, but, man, you made your own bed on that one.
He continues to eat like a champ. He says he's put on 40 pounds (I don't quite believe that), but he's also gained some inches since being here. Nothing like nutrition to support a growth spurt! He never quite got around to helping me in the kitchen, preferring to otherwise occupy himself with episodes of "Saved by the Bell" and "Gossip Girl."
He also never quite got around to playing video games. We have rules about how much reading you have to do make up your time playing video games. Somehow, even though he's a reader, he is never quite up to doing it. Huh.
He is super-helpful around the house, or at least has been for the past couple of weeks. He's good about checking his chore chart for things to do and ways to earn allowance. It's really great when he's on it. Yesterday we got a ton of work done around the yard in about an hour-and-a-half, just because we had so many hands working. Backyard is finally all cleaned up from the wedding in July! Ha!
I guess we are a little nervous about his next placement, also. DW is still in her first year of teaching, and doesn't get any breaks or sick days or anything. She's been sick three different times in the past seven weeks and she's running on empty. Reserves are all tapped out. So I'm doing a lot of solo-parenting, which is mostly fine, but I really like it (and he really likes it) when we can all do things together.
When Eleventh Kid moves on, I'm taking DW out of town somewhere where nobody can find us and we can just chill out for a few days and not worry about a damned thing. Can't wait.
Anyway, blessings and love for the Holidays!
He continues to eat like a champ. He says he's put on 40 pounds (I don't quite believe that), but he's also gained some inches since being here. Nothing like nutrition to support a growth spurt! He never quite got around to helping me in the kitchen, preferring to otherwise occupy himself with episodes of "Saved by the Bell" and "Gossip Girl."
He also never quite got around to playing video games. We have rules about how much reading you have to do make up your time playing video games. Somehow, even though he's a reader, he is never quite up to doing it. Huh.
He is super-helpful around the house, or at least has been for the past couple of weeks. He's good about checking his chore chart for things to do and ways to earn allowance. It's really great when he's on it. Yesterday we got a ton of work done around the yard in about an hour-and-a-half, just because we had so many hands working. Backyard is finally all cleaned up from the wedding in July! Ha!
I guess we are a little nervous about his next placement, also. DW is still in her first year of teaching, and doesn't get any breaks or sick days or anything. She's been sick three different times in the past seven weeks and she's running on empty. Reserves are all tapped out. So I'm doing a lot of solo-parenting, which is mostly fine, but I really like it (and he really likes it) when we can all do things together.
When Eleventh Kid moves on, I'm taking DW out of town somewhere where nobody can find us and we can just chill out for a few days and not worry about a damned thing. Can't wait.
Anyway, blessings and love for the Holidays!
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Rough Week, Nice Weekend
So we had a rough week here at Big Dyke Mama's house. Eleventh Kid is having a rough time at school and with the program he's in. It hasn't really translated over into to home life, but there have been some concerned emails between us and his case manager. Also a visit from a police officer. Ugh.
I've heard this from other foster parents, and I'm sure there are plenty of bio parents who could say the same thing. The way they are at home is not indicative of the way they are at school. At home we have thoughtful discussions, he uses his manners, he asks for help when he needs it, he is eager to help with chores and tasks. I hear at school he is argumentative, disruptive, and will refuse to participate in class. This is not the sweetheart that I know.
I do think, however, that some progress got made. We'll see how that pans out next week. I think he's starting to grasp that bad behavior and acting out are not the way that he should go about trying to get things to change. People are more likely to listen to your requests if you are trying your hardest rather protesting your hardest. (I get that that isn't always true, so just trust me that in this particular situation it IS true.)
Even after a rough week, we still had a nice weekend. Lots of laundry and cooking got done, lots of TV-watching got done, lots of reading got done, lots of planning got done, lots of shopping got done. He likes patterns the way I like patterns: Taco Tuesday, Sausage Thursday, Patsy's Pizza and El Tapatio alternate Fridays. This makes meal planning WAY easier. :) One pop per day, one Pop-Tart per day, one Clif Bar per day. All the junk food wears away at my soul a little bit, but I can't change someone's eating habits overnight. Slowly slowly we are working toward maybe a bit more whole fruit and maybe some nuts for a snack and maybe you can just have a glass of water instead of the pre-packaged snacks. The food bill is insanely high this month, and it's all in pre-packaged snacks!
Everyone is well-fed, though; Eleventh Kid said he's put on almost one pound since arriving. (Good, cos he's skinny.) He's enjoying my cooking and wants to start learning some more cooking skills from me. He even trusts me enough at this point to start meal-planning without his input! Ha! Little does he know that will mean more veggies and less meat! Ha!
So here's hoping that next week goes more smoothly than the last. I really really love this kid and I really really want good things to happen for him.
I've heard this from other foster parents, and I'm sure there are plenty of bio parents who could say the same thing. The way they are at home is not indicative of the way they are at school. At home we have thoughtful discussions, he uses his manners, he asks for help when he needs it, he is eager to help with chores and tasks. I hear at school he is argumentative, disruptive, and will refuse to participate in class. This is not the sweetheart that I know.
I do think, however, that some progress got made. We'll see how that pans out next week. I think he's starting to grasp that bad behavior and acting out are not the way that he should go about trying to get things to change. People are more likely to listen to your requests if you are trying your hardest rather protesting your hardest. (I get that that isn't always true, so just trust me that in this particular situation it IS true.)
Even after a rough week, we still had a nice weekend. Lots of laundry and cooking got done, lots of TV-watching got done, lots of reading got done, lots of planning got done, lots of shopping got done. He likes patterns the way I like patterns: Taco Tuesday, Sausage Thursday, Patsy's Pizza and El Tapatio alternate Fridays. This makes meal planning WAY easier. :) One pop per day, one Pop-Tart per day, one Clif Bar per day. All the junk food wears away at my soul a little bit, but I can't change someone's eating habits overnight. Slowly slowly we are working toward maybe a bit more whole fruit and maybe some nuts for a snack and maybe you can just have a glass of water instead of the pre-packaged snacks. The food bill is insanely high this month, and it's all in pre-packaged snacks!
Everyone is well-fed, though; Eleventh Kid said he's put on almost one pound since arriving. (Good, cos he's skinny.) He's enjoying my cooking and wants to start learning some more cooking skills from me. He even trusts me enough at this point to start meal-planning without his input! Ha! Little does he know that will mean more veggies and less meat! Ha!
So here's hoping that next week goes more smoothly than the last. I really really love this kid and I really really want good things to happen for him.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Eleventh Kid
And then, just like that, things change at a really bad time.
You know, like they do.
Sounds like parenthood to me.
Over Labor Day Weekend, we had Eleventh kid. He was rad. We loved him. He was super sweet and funny, he knew how tragic his life had been, and could process the shit better than some adults. He still struggled, though, and I thought to myself, this guy needs more one-on-one time. Group homes are going to be hard on him.
We talked to his full-time foster parent about doing respite again in October and November with this kid, so he could get some breaks from the hub-bub and just chill.
Previously, BGA had asked if we were interested in going full-time, and because DW is still getting settled in her new classroom and building lesson plans, and then of course there's all my religiosity at year-end, we thought it best to not even consider it until the new year.
But then when you get a phone call that one of your favorite kids needs a better situation for the next 60 days and that plan includes you, SWEET BABY MOSES, how can you say no?
I couldn't say no.
We couldn't say no.
So we changed our plans.
He arrives in about an hour. Wish us luck.
You know, like they do.
Sounds like parenthood to me.
Over Labor Day Weekend, we had Eleventh kid. He was rad. We loved him. He was super sweet and funny, he knew how tragic his life had been, and could process the shit better than some adults. He still struggled, though, and I thought to myself, this guy needs more one-on-one time. Group homes are going to be hard on him.
We talked to his full-time foster parent about doing respite again in October and November with this kid, so he could get some breaks from the hub-bub and just chill.
Previously, BGA had asked if we were interested in going full-time, and because DW is still getting settled in her new classroom and building lesson plans, and then of course there's all my religiosity at year-end, we thought it best to not even consider it until the new year.
But then when you get a phone call that one of your favorite kids needs a better situation for the next 60 days and that plan includes you, SWEET BABY MOSES, how can you say no?
I couldn't say no.
We couldn't say no.
So we changed our plans.
He arrives in about an hour. Wish us luck.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Sunday Night, or, I TOLD YOU SO
These kids.
Sunday night always seems to be the night of "I guess you were right, Jo."
Sometimes it's because I know the right way to position the fans to keep their room cool.
Sometimes it's because they end up liking a book or a show I thought they'd like.
Sometimes it's a new food I wanted them to try.
Sometimes my house is not as boring as they'd first thought.
Sometimes I'm just straight-up NICE.
But they figure it out... on the last day.... that I'm on their side....
Tenth Kid? Rad. Funny, sweet, and omigosh this kid is SMOOTH. Wow. WOW. He is going to be breaking hearts, if he hasn't been already. But this is not a story about that.
We just got a PS2. I don't like video games so we didn't have them before, but we were begged -- by every single kid -- to get a system. This PS2 was kindly donated by a co-worker, and another co-worker donated more games.
DW and I decided, however, that there is a catch. For every 30 minutes of video games, they need to log 15 minutes of reading. And yes, graphic novels count as reading. Even books about serial killers. I don't care, as long as you're reading.
We offered this up to TenthKid, and he said, "NOPE. Not worth it."
Huh. Okay, then. Your choice, kiddo.
Tonight, right before lights-out, he sits in front of the bookcase and starts looking through books. And he finds something he likes. And when I go in for lights-out, he says, "I guess you were right, Jo. I like this book."
Sunday night always seems to be the night of "I guess you were right, Jo."
Sometimes it's because I know the right way to position the fans to keep their room cool.
Sometimes it's because they end up liking a book or a show I thought they'd like.
Sometimes it's a new food I wanted them to try.
Sometimes my house is not as boring as they'd first thought.
Sometimes I'm just straight-up NICE.
But they figure it out... on the last day.... that I'm on their side....
Tenth Kid? Rad. Funny, sweet, and omigosh this kid is SMOOTH. Wow. WOW. He is going to be breaking hearts, if he hasn't been already. But this is not a story about that.
We just got a PS2. I don't like video games so we didn't have them before, but we were begged -- by every single kid -- to get a system. This PS2 was kindly donated by a co-worker, and another co-worker donated more games.
DW and I decided, however, that there is a catch. For every 30 minutes of video games, they need to log 15 minutes of reading. And yes, graphic novels count as reading. Even books about serial killers. I don't care, as long as you're reading.
We offered this up to TenthKid, and he said, "NOPE. Not worth it."
Huh. Okay, then. Your choice, kiddo.
Tonight, right before lights-out, he sits in front of the bookcase and starts looking through books. And he finds something he likes. And when I go in for lights-out, he says, "I guess you were right, Jo. I like this book."
Sunday, August 9, 2015
We're Not Boring
Eighth kid? Rad. He was high-needs, so the weekend was exhausting. Still fun. He's really funny, with a prankster sense of humor. Sometimes it went too far, so we had to steer him back. Best ways to keep him occupied? A Rubik's Cube and a Guitar.
Ninth kid? Rad. His bringing-up had been less-than-ideal, so he learned how to advocate for himself. Learned to ask for what he needed, and persist. I really admire this, because it took me a long time to learn to do it. He's sweet and smart, but doesn't like to read. He likes R-rated movies (which aren't allowed at our house) so on the first day, he determined that he was going to be bored all weekend. I told him that was his choice. But last night, wouldn't you know, he told me that he hadn't been bored nearly as much as he thought he would be. (!!!) And even fully participated in picking the movie we watched in the evening.
Next week we are holding a garage sale to thin our possessions a little bit. Like, we don't need seventy dessert plates anymore. Or four tents. Or shirts in the wrong size.
There's also a heap of tomatoes that are starting to ripen in the garden. Next week may involve putting up some sauce.
Well, my mind is focused on breakfast now, and I can't think of anything else to talk about. Maybe I am boring?
Ninth kid? Rad. His bringing-up had been less-than-ideal, so he learned how to advocate for himself. Learned to ask for what he needed, and persist. I really admire this, because it took me a long time to learn to do it. He's sweet and smart, but doesn't like to read. He likes R-rated movies (which aren't allowed at our house) so on the first day, he determined that he was going to be bored all weekend. I told him that was his choice. But last night, wouldn't you know, he told me that he hadn't been bored nearly as much as he thought he would be. (!!!) And even fully participated in picking the movie we watched in the evening.
Next week we are holding a garage sale to thin our possessions a little bit. Like, we don't need seventy dessert plates anymore. Or four tents. Or shirts in the wrong size.
There's also a heap of tomatoes that are starting to ripen in the garden. Next week may involve putting up some sauce.
Well, my mind is focused on breakfast now, and I can't think of anything else to talk about. Maybe I am boring?
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Poop
I went in to the room to turn off the light after eighth kid had fallen asleep with it on.
Me: Gah! The whole room smells like poop!
DW: Welcome to child-rearing.
Me: Gah! The whole room smells like poop!
DW: Welcome to child-rearing.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Early Sunday Morning
Man, I really like this blogging-while-everyone-else-is-asleep thing. I've had breakfast and coffee, and my wife (do I call her DW now instead of DM? Oh, probably.) and kid #7 are still cozy in bed.
Seventh kid? Rad. He's funny and sweet. We've only had a few hours with him, so I only know these of his virtues.
But we're also babysitting a dog this weekend -- Copper -- and he is adding a whole new dimension to our little family. Oh my heavens, I need a dog. I need one real bad. I mean, LOOK:
Gah! That face! That snout! Those eyebrows! Those whiskers! All stretched out on the bed! And watching him all snuggled up with DW at night warms the cockles of my heart.
So, back to wedding talk, I guess? Ceremony was small and lovely. The photographer said he'll have the pics back soon. Can't wait, cos we looked AWESOME. My father fell ill, and was unable to join, but my mother, sister, and niece were there. DW's family was not present, but her chosen family was.
Our honeymoon was great. Eleven days alone in the car, and we still like each other. Like, a LOT. We make a really good team for traveling (on vacation or down the road of life both included). We had an unfortunate incident in Las Vegas when a car window was smashed and some of our stuff was stolen. Boo. But aside from that, we LOVE Utah (what?) and we LOVE the Redwoods (and not just because of the number of lesbians we encountered there).
Family is stirring. I must away. Have a great week!
Seventh kid? Rad. He's funny and sweet. We've only had a few hours with him, so I only know these of his virtues.
But we're also babysitting a dog this weekend -- Copper -- and he is adding a whole new dimension to our little family. Oh my heavens, I need a dog. I need one real bad. I mean, LOOK:
So, back to wedding talk, I guess? Ceremony was small and lovely. The photographer said he'll have the pics back soon. Can't wait, cos we looked AWESOME. My father fell ill, and was unable to join, but my mother, sister, and niece were there. DW's family was not present, but her chosen family was.
Our honeymoon was great. Eleven days alone in the car, and we still like each other. Like, a LOT. We make a really good team for traveling (on vacation or down the road of life both included). We had an unfortunate incident in Las Vegas when a car window was smashed and some of our stuff was stolen. Boo. But aside from that, we LOVE Utah (what?) and we LOVE the Redwoods (and not just because of the number of lesbians we encountered there).
Family is stirring. I must away. Have a great week!
Monday, June 29, 2015
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Saturday Morning
Coming to you from another early Saturday morning at Big Dyke Mama's house. Everyone's still asleep, so I've been accomplishing a number of tasks off the Lesbian Agenda:
So, last week we had the Fifth Kid, who was rad. Really sweet and funny, but SO SHY. He hardly talked, he didn't eat much. It's really fine, because I'm not here to force anybody to do anything, and I know he had a lot of things going on in his life; a lot to think about. Fifth kid kind of doing his own thing was fine by me.
Sixth Kid (same as the First, and the Third) is with us again this weekend. We celebrated a stellar report card (A's and a B) by going out to dinner, and did a big shop for fun things to do this weekend, including the Pride Parade. (She wants to go, and who am I to deny this impressionable person such an experience?) We'll be marching with my team from work.
You know what else falls on this weekend? I mean, besides your birthday. This weekend is my 20th High School Reunion. And although I promised to myself years ago that there could scarcely be an excuse for me to miss such an event (I was one of those wackos that LOVED high school), this year was just too hard. Three weeks till we get married, Pride Weekend, and the flights were crazy expensive! Plus, my folks are in the middle of packing/moving/selling their house, and that's just another wrench in their monkeys to have me as a houseguest. Blarg. I'm going to miss seeing my High School friends. Go Big Blue!
Speaking of High School, DM got a job this week. Full time, High School Math Teacher. She had doubts about her ability to get hired right out of the gate (she's finishing a Masters), but she full-on got her dream job. So so so so happy for her. And I get to help her set up her classroom which is totally something I love to do! I used to help my Mom set up her classroom every August! YAY!
Okay, back to the Lesbian Agenda!
- Water the front yard
- Water the back yard
- "Feed" the sourdough starter
- Run the dishwasher
- Put sheets in the dryer
- Think about what's for breakfast
So, last week we had the Fifth Kid, who was rad. Really sweet and funny, but SO SHY. He hardly talked, he didn't eat much. It's really fine, because I'm not here to force anybody to do anything, and I know he had a lot of things going on in his life; a lot to think about. Fifth kid kind of doing his own thing was fine by me.
Sixth Kid (same as the First, and the Third) is with us again this weekend. We celebrated a stellar report card (A's and a B) by going out to dinner, and did a big shop for fun things to do this weekend, including the Pride Parade. (She wants to go, and who am I to deny this impressionable person such an experience?) We'll be marching with my team from work.
You know what else falls on this weekend? I mean, besides your birthday. This weekend is my 20th High School Reunion. And although I promised to myself years ago that there could scarcely be an excuse for me to miss such an event (I was one of those wackos that LOVED high school), this year was just too hard. Three weeks till we get married, Pride Weekend, and the flights were crazy expensive! Plus, my folks are in the middle of packing/moving/selling their house, and that's just another wrench in their monkeys to have me as a houseguest. Blarg. I'm going to miss seeing my High School friends. Go Big Blue!
Speaking of High School, DM got a job this week. Full time, High School Math Teacher. She had doubts about her ability to get hired right out of the gate (she's finishing a Masters), but she full-on got her dream job. So so so so happy for her. And I get to help her set up her classroom which is totally something I love to do! I used to help my Mom set up her classroom every August! YAY!
Okay, back to the Lesbian Agenda!
Monday, June 1, 2015
Fourth Kid and a Wedding
Good Evening! Let's get this done just under the wire, okay? (Kind of like last year!)
Today is Mombian's 10th Annual Blogging for LGBTQ Families Day! Here's what we've been working on the past couple of weeks at Big Dyke Mama's house:
In between Kid 3 and Kid 4, we took a little weekend break. We needed a respite from Respite Foster Care, but we were ready to greet parenthood again this week, with renewed enthusiasm.
Fourth kid? Rad. This guy was all of twelve, but he's built like a linebacker, so he looked more like a 14-15 year old. Imagine a 230 lb. kid coming at you and then asking if we could sew or bake or plant flowers. Um, yes and yes and yes. And I love you for being yourself. Keep being rad.
DM and I have also been working on writing our wedding. A long-time good friend of mine will be officiating, but we wanted to have most of the script and structure in place for him. Control freak? Probably.
Being in a lesbian relationship has a lot of perks, obvs, but one of the things I'm currently enjoying is that our queer wedding is already rather non-traditional, so we are less hung up on traditions.
Who proposed? Neither one of us. We have made all other decisions together through negotiation and compromise (moving in together, what's for dinner, who's name is on the water bill), so why would this be any different?
Matching rings? Nope. We bought our own rings. That we will put on our OWN fingers, thankyouverymuch.
Wedding party? Nope. My 5-year-old niece will hold those mis-matched rings, though.
Wedding dress? Red.
But you're hiding it from DM, right? Nope. She helped me pick it out, and has helped me accessorize.
Wedding suit? Whatever DM finds at the Goodwill (or other merchant of her choosing).
Caterers? Nope. Cake and punch.
Special fancy cake? Nope. Trader Joe's Cheesecake. Defrosted the night before.
Special fancy cake topper? Nope. Less than $1 at Michael's. And some paint.
Special fancy honeymoon? Nope. 3200 miles in the station wagon.
A cake and punch backyard wedding is exactly what I wanted. I don't want to feed anybody dinner; that's just silly to me. I wanted to be sure in the ceremony that there was no wordage about giving yourself up, or making forever promises, because that's just asking for trouble; life is so much more complicated than that. I also wanted to be sure that we weren't acquiring any more stuff, but that we'd work toward shared experiences.
And I'm still sure I'm marrying the right person, because DM feels the same. YAY!
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Sorry, I Got Busy Being a Mama.
Good Morning! Everyone's still asleep, so let's just rattle down a list of things we've accomplished and then I'll talk about mah kids.
The Honey-Do List? Done.
Certification? Done.
Training Meeting? Done.
Engagement? Done.
Wedding & Honeymoon? Mostly planned. July. Stay tuned.
We started having kids in our home in late April. Respite Foster Care. Just teenagers, just one at a time, just on weekends.
First kid? Rad. Funny, talented, sweet, helpful, kind. The three of us connected really well. We put it out into the Universe that we'd be happy to host her again, should it ever come up. She put it out into the Universe, too.
Second kid? Rad. Super-polite, helpful, funny, hard-working, sweet. I was kind of worried about having a teenage boy cos I don't have a lot of experience with teenage boys, but he made it easy on us. I think we unlocked an achievement level when we were a lesbian couple at the farmers market with our mixed-race teenager.
Third kid? Same at the first. A little bit huggy, and a not-at-all worse. The Universe (or, you know, her social worker) put us back together. And we're having a great time. Went to the Teddy Bear Parade in Oregon City -- and we both had a great time throwing candy at the crowd! She came with me for a little bit of religious-birthday celebration time, and then we got a see DM off to her gig chaperoning Prom at her school. Then a little shopping trip (this kid loves to shop like I do), then Mike's for cheeseburgers (and fried pickles, COME ON), then a Movie (The Book of Life -- which I need to go buy due to it's feminist lead female) and she played with my hair and makeup (I am so damn pretty)! We may go back to the Clackamette Festival today.... who wants to ride the Ferris Wheel?!?!
Observations in Parenthood, Month One:
I totally thought I would parent like my mother. Our personalities are very similar. But, lo and behold, I parent more like my father. It's kind of hard to explain without making both of my parents sound ridiculous (and they are not quite ridiculous), so I'll just leave it at that.
I thought I'd be super uptight about schedules and meal plans and all that and I'm not. I'm really pretty good about rolling with the punches and altering the schedule as needed. I'm not sure that this will translate exactly when we get to the point of full-time parenting, but for now I'm comfortable with this.
I really am exhausted as fuck, but I am also stupid happy to be doing this. My blood pressure has actually been going DOWN.
But the thing that totally blew my mind is how freakin' turned on I am by DM at the end of the weekend. She is an excellent parent, she is cool and funny, she is a good listener, and she is just generally good at connecting with these kids. It makes sense -- biologically speaking -- that I should be turned on by a partner who has good parenting skills, that I should want to reproduce with said individual. So all this boils down to is that I am totally marrying the right person.
YAY!
The Honey-Do List? Done.
Certification? Done.
Training Meeting? Done.
Engagement? Done.
Wedding & Honeymoon? Mostly planned. July. Stay tuned.
*****
We started having kids in our home in late April. Respite Foster Care. Just teenagers, just one at a time, just on weekends.
First kid? Rad. Funny, talented, sweet, helpful, kind. The three of us connected really well. We put it out into the Universe that we'd be happy to host her again, should it ever come up. She put it out into the Universe, too.
Second kid? Rad. Super-polite, helpful, funny, hard-working, sweet. I was kind of worried about having a teenage boy cos I don't have a lot of experience with teenage boys, but he made it easy on us. I think we unlocked an achievement level when we were a lesbian couple at the farmers market with our mixed-race teenager.
Third kid? Same at the first. A little bit huggy, and a not-at-all worse. The Universe (or, you know, her social worker) put us back together. And we're having a great time. Went to the Teddy Bear Parade in Oregon City -- and we both had a great time throwing candy at the crowd! She came with me for a little bit of religious-birthday celebration time, and then we got a see DM off to her gig chaperoning Prom at her school. Then a little shopping trip (this kid loves to shop like I do), then Mike's for cheeseburgers (and fried pickles, COME ON), then a Movie (The Book of Life -- which I need to go buy due to it's feminist lead female) and she played with my hair and makeup (I am so damn pretty)! We may go back to the Clackamette Festival today.... who wants to ride the Ferris Wheel?!?!
Observations in Parenthood, Month One:
I totally thought I would parent like my mother. Our personalities are very similar. But, lo and behold, I parent more like my father. It's kind of hard to explain without making both of my parents sound ridiculous (and they are not quite ridiculous), so I'll just leave it at that.
I thought I'd be super uptight about schedules and meal plans and all that and I'm not. I'm really pretty good about rolling with the punches and altering the schedule as needed. I'm not sure that this will translate exactly when we get to the point of full-time parenting, but for now I'm comfortable with this.
I really am exhausted as fuck, but I am also stupid happy to be doing this. My blood pressure has actually been going DOWN.
But the thing that totally blew my mind is how freakin' turned on I am by DM at the end of the weekend. She is an excellent parent, she is cool and funny, she is a good listener, and she is just generally good at connecting with these kids. It makes sense -- biologically speaking -- that I should be turned on by a partner who has good parenting skills, that I should want to reproduce with said individual. So all this boils down to is that I am totally marrying the right person.
YAY!
Sunday, March 1, 2015
March Update
Questions are done! Interviews are done!
Our social worker is coming over on March 16 for the Home Visit part of our Home Study.
So, if all goes well, I think we are about a month-and-a-half away from having children in our home.
WHOA.
Still have a few things to check off the punchlist in the next few weeks...
Wish us luck! --BDM
Our social worker is coming over on March 16 for the Home Visit part of our Home Study.
So, if all goes well, I think we are about a month-and-a-half away from having children in our home.
WHOA.
Still have a few things to check off the punchlist in the next few weeks...
- Replace batteries in the smoke detectors
- Install an extra smoke detector
- Install doorknobs (the kind without locks) on the bedroom doors
- Install locks on the liquor cabinet
- Install locks on the cabinets under the kitchen sink
- Get Rabies shots for the kitties
Wish us luck! --BDM
Saturday, September 6, 2014
More Learning
This morning, DM and I are off to another training put on by Boys & Girls Aid. I think this one is about Teenagers in Foster Care, which is where our focus will be.
We've been assembling some of our paperwork for the Foster Care application, and today we're turning in what we have so far, also.
Our extra insurance is all set up, budgeting done, some of the medical stuff done (I still need a physical) and our huge questionnaires are being worked on. So! Many! Questions!
Maybe I'll post some of the answers here... some interesting stuff has come up in them.
Happy Saturday, all!
We've been assembling some of our paperwork for the Foster Care application, and today we're turning in what we have so far, also.
Our extra insurance is all set up, budgeting done, some of the medical stuff done (I still need a physical) and our huge questionnaires are being worked on. So! Many! Questions!
Maybe I'll post some of the answers here... some interesting stuff has come up in them.
Happy Saturday, all!
Monday, June 2, 2014
#LGBTQfamilies
Hey! It's been a couple of months since I posted -- oops -- but today is Mombian's 9th Annual Blogging for LGBTQ Families Day! So let's talk about what's been happening in Big Dyke Mama's Family!
In April, DM and I submitted our application to adopt out of the foster care system. While they like us (and who wouldn't? We're adorable), because we hadn't yet been together for a full year, they recommended waiting at least six more months before submitting for the Homestudy. The reason being that when the Homestudy is written, they will state how long we've been together, not the date we got together. So even if our Homestudy is submitted to a caseworker in 2016, it will still say that we've been together for a year, NOT that we've been together since May of 2013. Eeek! So, waiting a bit improves our chances of not having our Homestudy dismissed out of hand.
In the meantime, we are going to work toward being respite care providers for foster kids. It will require mandatory monthly meetings with the agency, but that's no problem.
In May, DM and I celebrated our one-year anniversary by re-creating our first date. My co-worker thought that was so romantic she cried when I told her.
Also in May, Marriage Equality came to Oregon! That's big news! Will DM and Big Dyke Mama be tying the knot?
It'll make the paperwork easier...
It'll make taxes easier...
And, you know, love and all that mushy stuff...
But no proposals or decisions have been made, so stay tuned.
That's enough excitement for tonight! Be blessed --Big Dyke Mama
In April, DM and I submitted our application to adopt out of the foster care system. While they like us (and who wouldn't? We're adorable), because we hadn't yet been together for a full year, they recommended waiting at least six more months before submitting for the Homestudy. The reason being that when the Homestudy is written, they will state how long we've been together, not the date we got together. So even if our Homestudy is submitted to a caseworker in 2016, it will still say that we've been together for a year, NOT that we've been together since May of 2013. Eeek! So, waiting a bit improves our chances of not having our Homestudy dismissed out of hand.
In the meantime, we are going to work toward being respite care providers for foster kids. It will require mandatory monthly meetings with the agency, but that's no problem.
In May, DM and I celebrated our one-year anniversary by re-creating our first date. My co-worker thought that was so romantic she cried when I told her.
Also in May, Marriage Equality came to Oregon! That's big news! Will DM and Big Dyke Mama be tying the knot?
It'll make the paperwork easier...
It'll make taxes easier...
And, you know, love and all that mushy stuff...
But no proposals or decisions have been made, so stay tuned.
That's enough excitement for tonight! Be blessed --Big Dyke Mama
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