Rough Week, Nice Weekend

So we had a rough week here at Big Dyke Mama's house.  Eleventh Kid is having a rough time at school and with the program he's in.  It hasn't really translated over into to home life, but there have been some concerned emails between us and his case manager.  Also a visit from a police officer.  Ugh.

I've heard this from other foster parents, and I'm sure there are plenty of bio parents who could say the same thing.  The way they are at home is not indicative of the way they are at school.  At home we have thoughtful discussions, he uses his manners, he asks for help when he needs it, he is eager to help with chores and tasks.  I hear at school he is argumentative, disruptive, and will refuse to participate in class.  This is not the sweetheart that I know.

I do think, however, that some progress got made.  We'll see how that pans out next week.  I think he's starting to grasp that bad behavior and acting out are not the way that he should go about trying to get things to change.  People are more likely to listen to your requests if you are trying your hardest rather protesting your hardest.  (I get that that isn't always true, so just trust me that in this particular situation it IS true.)

Even after a rough week, we still had a nice weekend.  Lots of laundry and cooking got done, lots of TV-watching got done, lots of reading got done, lots of planning got done, lots of shopping got done.  He likes patterns the way I like patterns: Taco Tuesday, Sausage Thursday, Patsy's Pizza and El Tapatio alternate Fridays.  This makes meal planning WAY easier.  :)  One pop per day, one Pop-Tart per day, one Clif Bar per day.  All the junk food wears away at my soul a little bit, but I can't change someone's eating habits overnight.  Slowly slowly we are working toward maybe a bit more whole fruit and maybe some nuts for a snack and maybe you can just have a glass of water instead of the pre-packaged snacks.  The food bill is insanely high this month, and it's all in pre-packaged snacks!

Everyone is well-fed, though; Eleventh Kid said he's put on almost one pound since arriving.  (Good, cos he's skinny.)  He's enjoying my cooking and wants to start learning some more cooking skills from me.  He even trusts me enough at this point to start meal-planning without his input!  Ha!  Little does he know that will mean more veggies and less meat!  Ha!

So here's hoping that next week goes more smoothly than the last.  I really really love this kid and I really really want good things to happen for him.

Eleventh Kid

And then, just like that, things change at a really bad time.

You know, like they do.  

Sounds like parenthood to me.

Over Labor Day Weekend, we had Eleventh kid.  He was rad.  We loved him.  He was super sweet and funny, he knew how tragic his life had been, and could process the shit better than some adults.  He still struggled, though, and I thought to myself, this guy needs more one-on-one time.  Group homes are going to be hard on him.

We talked to his full-time foster parent about doing respite again in October and November with this kid, so he could get some breaks from the hub-bub and just chill.

Previously, BGA had asked if we were interested in going full-time, and because DW is still getting settled in her new classroom and building lesson plans, and then of course there's all my religiosity at year-end, we thought it best to not even consider it until the new year.

But then when you get a phone call that one of your favorite kids needs a better situation for the next 60 days and that plan includes you, SWEET BABY MOSES, how can you say no?  

I couldn't say no.  

We couldn't say no.

So we changed our plans.

He arrives in about an hour.  Wish us luck.

Sunday Night, or, I TOLD YOU SO

These kids. 

Sunday night always seems to be the night of "I guess you were right, Jo." 

Sometimes it's because I know the right way to position the fans to keep their room cool. 
Sometimes it's because they end up liking a book or a show I thought they'd like. 
Sometimes it's a new food I wanted them to try. 
Sometimes my house is not as boring as they'd first thought. 
Sometimes I'm just straight-up NICE. 

But they figure it out... on the last day.... that I'm on their side....

Tenth Kid?  Rad.  Funny, sweet, and omigosh this kid is SMOOTH.  Wow.  WOW.  He is going to be breaking hearts, if he hasn't been already.  But this is not a story about that.

We just got a PS2.  I don't like video games so we didn't have them before, but we were begged -- by every single kid -- to get a system.  This PS2 was kindly donated by a co-worker, and another co-worker donated more games.

DW and I decided, however, that there is a catch.  For every 30 minutes of video games, they need to log 15 minutes of reading.  And yes, graphic novels count as reading.  Even books about serial killers.  I don't care, as long as you're reading.

We offered this up to TenthKid, and he said, "NOPE.  Not worth it."

Huh.  Okay, then.  Your choice, kiddo.

Tonight, right before lights-out, he sits in front of the bookcase and starts looking through books.  And he finds something he likes.  And when I go in for lights-out, he says, "I guess you were right, Jo.  I like this book."

We're Not Boring

Eighth kid?  Rad.  He was high-needs, so the weekend was exhausting.  Still fun.  He's really funny, with a prankster sense of humor.  Sometimes it went too far, so we had to steer him back.  Best ways to keep him occupied?  A Rubik's Cube and a Guitar.

Ninth kid?  Rad.  His bringing-up had been less-than-ideal, so he learned how to advocate for himself.  Learned to ask for what he needed, and persist.  I really admire this, because it took me a long time to learn to do it.  He's sweet and smart, but doesn't like to read.  He likes R-rated movies (which aren't allowed at our house) so on the first day, he determined that he was going to be bored all weekend.  I told him that was his choice.  But last night, wouldn't you know, he told me that he hadn't been bored nearly as much as he thought he would be.  (!!!)  And even fully participated in picking the movie we watched in the evening.

Next week we are holding a garage sale to thin our possessions a little bit.  Like, we don't need seventy dessert plates anymore.  Or four tents.  Or shirts in the wrong size.

There's also a heap of tomatoes that are starting to ripen in the garden. Next week may involve putting up some sauce.

Well, my mind is focused on breakfast now, and I can't think of anything else to talk about.  Maybe I am boring?

Poop

I went in to the room to turn off the light after eighth kid had fallen asleep with it on.

Me: Gah!  The whole room smells like poop!

DW: Welcome to child-rearing.

Early Sunday Morning

Man, I really like this blogging-while-everyone-else-is-asleep thing.  I've had breakfast and coffee, and my wife (do I call her DW now instead of DM? Oh, probably.) and kid #7 are still cozy in bed.

Seventh kid?  Rad.  He's funny and sweet.  We've only had a few hours with him, so I only know these of his virtues.  

But we're also babysitting a dog this weekend -- Copper -- and he is adding a whole new dimension to our little family.  Oh my heavens, I need a dog.  I need one real bad.  I mean, LOOK:

Gah!  That face!  That snout!  Those eyebrows!  Those whiskers!  All stretched out on the bed!  And watching him all snuggled up with DW at night warms the cockles of my heart.

So, back to wedding talk, I guess?  Ceremony was small and lovely.  The photographer said he'll have the pics back soon.  Can't wait, cos we looked AWESOME.  My father fell ill, and was unable to join, but my mother, sister, and niece were there.  DW's family was not present, but her chosen family was.

Our honeymoon was great.  Eleven days alone in the car, and we still like each other.  Like, a LOT.  We make a really good team for traveling (on vacation or down the road of life both included).  We had an unfortunate incident in Las Vegas when a car window was smashed and some of our stuff was stolen.  Boo.  But aside from that, we LOVE Utah (what?) and we LOVE the Redwoods (and not just because of the number of lesbians we encountered there).

Family is stirring.  I must away.  Have a great week!

Kids Are Lousy.

The End.